"You can't wear that (insert event here)"
Outfit policing with a side of parent shame
“I have your next post,” a friend said. “I need help with country club outfits, for like swim meets and dinners.”
“Oh, good idea!” I said.
Anyway, I blame my friend for the backlash on the swim meet outfit post (KIDDING, kidding). And, boy, did some people get RILED up about this. I’ve been on the internet a long time and I’ve had my fair share of mean and snide remarks but never such an outpouring like this! Observe below:
Anyway, it spun out of control and all of the sudden, LL Bean Girl is telling me how modestly she lives because she is old money and wealth whispers yet belongs to the world’s most exclusive country club yet I am a bad parent for wearing a linen skirt set to a kid’s summer swim meet and I’m sure I left something out. I literally do not understand how this reel got to be about old money vs new money vs neglectful parenting when a simple “wow, I perceive you to be overdressed for such an event” would have sufficed.
BUT it got me to thinking—do you find yourself policing other people’s attire? I believe it IS respectful to honor the dress code that’s given at certain events, like to weddings, or showers, or nice dinners, or clubs, and I am always happy to help interpret those dress codes on stories (it’s quite fun!). But usually, the backlash is when someone is underdressed, not overdressed.
In case you wanted to know the background: it’s an unspoken tradition that we dress up for the month long season of swim meets. There are literally six meets in the season before the “championship,” the meets are about an hour long, there are no parent volunteers (it’s all lifeguards and swim coaches), and we have a dinner with the competing club afterwards. I received TONS of messages from fellow midwesterners and some east coasters that you do the same so we’re not totally alone here! And you know what? IT’S FUN. I like to wear my clothes! I like to dress up! I’ve made a whole career of it because I like it so much! Why does that bother this subset of people? Someone actually commented, “well, if it doesn’t bother your kids, then I guess it’s alright.” Like, what? Why would me being dressed up bother my kids? What planet are we living on?! The only time my kids notice what I’m wearing is if my toddler realizes it’s nighttime and I’m dressed up and a babysitter may be coming over.
I’m sure I’ll never know the answers to the above but you can count on me generally avoiding athleisure and sometimes overdressed at certain events. (Should I tell swim community now that even when I volunteer at all day meets I’m usually in jeans?! Maybe don’t). And guess what—the kids are fine with it.
Want more swim meet, I mean, cute summer dresses? Look no further.
I’d file these snarky comments under “things that would only ever be said on the internet and never in real life”. Wear what makes you feel good and happy. End of story.
I think this a combination of the post covid social environment and social media - people got used to dressing much more casually in 2020 and I don’t think we have come out of it, so when they see someone they perceive as overdressed, they take it as a personal affront. Meanwhile, I think this also speaks to people not understanding how social media works. If you don’t follow that person, but you engage with them, you’re now curating your personal feed, but not everything on the internet is specifically for you! Those of us who followed you for years know you always look fabulous and are a great source of wardrobe inspiration!